In celebration of Pride month, our associate James Newton reflects on his Pride journey in an article entitled ‘What Pride Means to Me’.
“Pride has meant different things to me at different points in my life.
Before coming out, Pride was something for others. It was a feeling that other people could access and share, while I only had feelings of self-hate, fear, and loneliness.
I would also—shamefully—often have feelings of anger and contempt for those who celebrated Pride. Anger that others were able to be something that I was convinced I could not. Contempt for what society told me was nothing to be proud of.
Interestingly, as I came to terms with my sexuality and grew to accept who I was, those feelings of anger and contempt did not abate. Rather, they intensified. Though now they were not aimed at me and the community, but towards society and its heteronormative rules.
Pride became about angrily and unapologetically being myself. Rejecting with fury and derision that I and others like me were unworthy of love or legal protection. Shouting down those who might have reservations or could think differently. Learning to be sharp, cutting, and offensive towards those who I felt might wrong me.
Pride involved parading my sexuality and daring others to comment. It was a shield that meant the rejection and hate that I feared most could now not hurt me.